There will be boredom

With Paul back in town, last night we decided to take in a screening of the Academy Award winning "There Will Be Blood" down at Marion.

Paul pre-booked our tickets online, so we could "Jump the Queue". Although, as he pointed out, the fine print on the website suggests that you turn up at least 30 minutes prior to your movie's scheduled time (ie 45 minutes before it actually starts), which makes one consider the benefits of "jumping" the "queue".

None of this really mattered because there were only a few people gathered around the ticket booth, and only two other people in our movie session. Not surprising I suppose for 8.30pm on a Wednesday night.

So . . . on to the movie itself. To begin with, it's probably the worst case of fraudulent advertising in a movie title since "The Neverending Story". True, there was a little blood, but this was brief and sporadic, and mainly at the end of the film. A more accurate title would have been "There will be no dialogue for the first twenty minutes", or "There will be no chance you'll be catching this again on TV or DVD".

The film is about an oil tycoon, Daniel Plainview, who like many tycoons, is a ruthless businessman who screws over a great many people - especially poor people - to build his empire. Him and his son are really the only key characters in the film - with the exception of a crazy preacher guy - and the story follows around 30 years of his life, from his early beginnings (the first twenty minutes are almost silent footage of him working in mines) till the bitter end (when he is a crazed - and yes, bitter - old man living alone in a giant house). If you're thinking "Gee, a three hour long film about a guy mining for oil, with only a few speaking roles, set in the early 1900s - that doesn't sound awesome", well then you would be right. It's not awesome. Not in the slightest. While there were a few parts that held my attention, most of the time I had to work incredibly hard to stay awake.

Daniel Day Lewis won an Academy Award for this performance, and I guess it was good, but I just don't really have that much interest in seeing someone act like a crazed oil tycoon these days, no matter how well they do it. Besides, when it comes down to it, what do these guys know anyway? "Titanic" won 11 Academy Awards, and "Donnie Darko" won none. So yeah, great credibility guys.

In conclusion, if you've got a spare three hours to spare, and are considering watching this movie, I would suggest some of the following experiences might be a better and more enjoyable use of your time.

1) Drive to Murray Bridge, get an ice cream, turn around and come home.
2) Watch an entire week's worth of Home and Away episodes.
3) Pluck all of the hairs from your right arm, one by one. If time allows, do the left as well.